Here’s the full interview that Britney gave to Scott Mills from the BBC’s radio 1.

On shading her drunk-ass Piece Of Me audience:

“It is kind of like a club environment. I have to say, everyone out there is like completely intoxicated, and I’m like ‘Wow, they look like they’re really having a good time.’”

On her entirely relaxing Hawaii vacation, during which she almost went to Heaven on Earth:

“The waves were like six-feet tall…I got sucked under for like five minutes. Literally almost drowned. And I’m like, where is my security? They’re just going to let me die here…it was fun, to say the least! I got to experience what it was like to be taken down by a six foot wave, so.”

On occasionally sucking while writing her vibe-y ninth studio masterpiece:

“Of course, it’s my best work. I feel like so far. I really took the time to work with really, really great people…Julia Michaels and Justin Tranter. Just amazing producers and songwriters. It was a gift. It was an amazing gift. It’s a very creative thing to get in and to write with people and see what you come up with. You kind of have to be very humble at times and be like ‘Okay, that was really, really bad.’ It’s fun. The whole process is really fun.”

On working with certain “divas” (start making your guesses now):

“People are busy. We all have lives. It’s kind of hard. You wouldn’t believe it, but a lot of the people in the entertainment business, if you try to work with them or set up projects, a lot of times people don’t show up. A lot of people are divas in the industry. Oh my goodness! I could tell you thousands of stories, but I’m not really allowed to give out that information and what they did. You know how that goes…it’s better to go it alone, my friend.”

On Justin Bieber and his weiner:

“Wait! Did you see what happened to him the other day? Didn’t he, like, expose himself? That was insane! Like, I don’t understand what went on there. Was that on the news and stuff? Oh…my God! OH MY GOD! I met him. It’s weird. Probably like three years ago on Femme Fatale. He walks into my hotel room and he was like a kid! Literally, he looked like he was 13 years old, but he was 16. And I was like ‘Who is this kid in my hotel? Like what is going on?’…and I’m like ‘Who are these people?’ And my assistant was like ‘This is Justin Bieber and his mother.’ And I was like ‘Oh my God! I cannot believe this.’ He’s very unassuming. He’s a very nice, kind boy. He’s obviously way older now. He was extremely kind.”

On the idea of performing at the Super Bowl halftime show, which she definitely sounds super excited to potentially do:

“…Yes, I would probably do that, mhm. Definitely not on my own. I would have to have a little support there. Another artist, of course. I don’t think you would ever do the Super Bowl alone, that would be kind of scary. I don’t think I would be able to do it.”

On the true secret to weight loss — baybehs:

“Actually, just being a mom and being on the go 24/7 and being with your kids. I think worrying makes you lose weight, too. I’m not a believer of being a worrier, but unfortunately I’m a mom, so I do. It’s like one of those things…yeah. They keep you going 24/7 with crazy things.”

On wishing not to be famous anymore, serving For The Record realness:

“Yeah, I have wondered that before. A lot of times…I’m actually a very private person. Sometimes I’m in denial that I’m really famous. It’s too much, I think, for someone to reach that kind of magnitude to really understand it. I feel like when you’re younger, it’s easier. But when you’re older, it’s one of those things that’s kind of like ‘Huh? What is this? This is kind of crazy.’ But there’s a lot of people who are in store for it, and who can completely understand it and appreciate it for what it is. I go back and forth with it, honestly.”

On advice for Baby Britney:

“…Never get married, number one.”